WB34: thanks dad.

 THIS WEEK:: 🤕🤕

- felt like two weeks combined into one. Also the BIPOLAR WEATHER was back but the "storm" only lasted a day and it was sooo sunny afterwards. This week felt like forever. Anyways on Janurary 26, Sunday, my little sister Reina Reese Mari Gullermo was born!! She looks so cute and so tiny. Anyways I was home alone for around two days. Sunday and Monday. Monday felt like an enternity because of the math test that I practically was so afraid of failing since there was no retake. The house was really boring honestly. I had nothing to do and often watched movies and took care of my dogs. Overall, a pretty average day. Then the next day I did more studying, I actually attended a fishing meeting! (FINALLY) but only for a short while. Anyways it was also the last minute luncheon! Mr Ings reaction to the card was so funny and i really liked when he was displaying it and slowly opening it and everyone was like, "wooooaawwww!!!" I also got to see mal, jaydin, reese, jayna, mark, jabez, joolin. It was really fun honestly even though I was having a really bad day that day. Mostly from monday since I guess being home alone was driving me insane? But its weird because I've been home alone before for even longer. I guess I was just forgetting to take care of myself since I was so fixated on watching Neon Genesis Evangelion. THE THIRDD IMPACT?!?! Its a really interesting show actually. Wednesday felt like another forever. Mrs Leonardi actually was like crashing out bro but like what was she talking about. Also my head was pounding that day I was gonna crash. Thursday was alright thats when it STORMED!!!!!! and it was supposed to storm so that they could cancel school on friday BUT IT WAS SOOOO SUNNY. Oh my goodness. I WANTED IT TO POUR. I really enjoy that my dad drops me off every morning, drops me off to my lessons EVEN WHEN ITS POURING AND THUNDERING, he even like gives me advice on the way talking about the craziest stories. The biggest thing that impacted me was when he said, "Sometimes you'll get to the point where you want to kill yourself. Trust me I've been there too, plenty of times. But you'll have to realize that later you'll look back on that past obstacle and be glad that you stood strong and held out." And what I wanna say, is thank you dad. Like I fricking love my dad. He always has this way of making life seem so funny even when he talks about the shittiest things like when he passes away or if something bad happens to him. He always turns a shitty situation into a good laugh. Thats what I really adore about my dad. He's defintetly one of my role models in my life. I'm glad I can actually have conversations with him that I normally don't have with my mom. I can be casual and like how I am at school without my head being bitten off all because I said the word shit. Overall don't kill yourself over small things because all bad things pass! Just like rain. and puddles eventually dry up. 

HIGHTLIGHTS:: 

 Highlights would be only intramurals once, and also passing my math test. In addition another highlight would be playing forsaken on roblox and watching neon genesis evangelion! ALSO MY pACKAGE FINALLY GOT SHIPPED. even though it was delayed again.. Feb 3! Anyways also another highlight is that I'm finally getting my emotions and thoughts in check. Its irritating when I don't have rationality or sense of order in a sea of thought. Another highlight would be getting the week over with. Also another highlight is no more mrs leonardi and science testing has been pushed back a week. Also All my classes were easy i guess? With me not thinking right all week I guess I got easily overwhelmed but hey I held out this week. Good job me. Another highlight i guess would be that yearbook is almost finished and reading my magic notes. Yeah. Well glad this week is over! 

LOWLIGHTS::

- the rain and walking to mcdonalds just to walk all the way back to schoiol in the rain. The rain was very terrible there were so many roaches and the paint on the benches was FILLED WITH WATER. Another lowlight is the mood I've been having this week. Told myself i wasn't gonna crashout in janurary but I ended up crashing lol! Sometimes I wonder why I feel a certain way. I know better thats what I always tell myself. This isn't smart, this isn't rational like I want it to be, I know that. Yet I don't think. I think to much, yet I think to little, yet sometimes its hard to think at all. Sometimes I wonder what justifies certain behaviors. Should I really overreact when  I know someone whos gone through worse? Is it justified for me to feel this way about something when someone has gone through harder hardships than I have? They have a reason to be mad, to be irriational, to be nervous, to feel a certain way. But sometimes I wonder is do I even have a reason? Is my reason selfish? Does it make anything better if I said I don't know what I was thinking in that moment? Or do I need a senseable reason? But wheres the sense in irrationality? I know I shouldn't compare problems epsecially when i can't even identify my own but in a way I feel less because I can't make sense of how I feel. Anyways moving on, journaling hasn't been helping. The phrase "I don't know" repeated on several pages. I;ve been trying to draw but nothings working. Guitar is finally sparkling at me again and I have fun playing. I just wish I could make sense of what I was thinking. I guess I was mad. But mad at what? I don;t like being mad at people. I don't know if it was me or someone else I was mad at. But simply put I guess I was feeling dissatisfaction. if thats the right word. I feel better now. But honestly I can't remember or recall what was going through my head. But it is what it is. 

 

LESSON LEARNED::

- My lesson learned of the week is to think before you act, I always tell this myself yet sometimes I fall short to actually listen to my advice on some days. This week I feel like I was going crazy. But what stumped me more was that I feel like had no reason to be. Atleast thats how I see it. I always tell myself to see things realistically, how it'll affect in the longer run, and to be rational. But this week showed me how easily it is to get caught in emotion and lose focus of that rationality. I'm not really a person to let my emotions get the best of me but this week it sure did. In summary I realized the importance to TAKE A STEP BACK and calm myself down before I do anything I'll regret. 

FAV MAGIC NOTE ::

My favorite magic notes have to be Cheyannes, Ariya, Emma, VAl, and Olivia. Anyways Cheyannes is one of my  favorites because we had a silly convo with her lps and about shopkins and it was kinda nostaglic because LITERALLY THSOE TOYS ARENT SOLD ANYMORE. anyways Emma is also soo brainrotted... then also ariya's one is always a magic note I look forawrd to (im not a glazer I just like reading magic notes) and I'm glad I give off an energetic personality because thats a big improvement compared to last year. My final favorite is vals. I always find a way to bounce back from my down times lol!